Holding On and Letting Go

OK.  I just sat down to write this blog and Abbie comes over with one of her squeaky toys in her mouth (the one her brother Moka gave her for their birthday) and wants to play. It’s hard to ignore a Shi Tzu grumbling for your attention, so excuse me while I indulge her…… There,  I think she’s had enough chasing a squeaky fabric-bone in the house.

I begin this post about the simplicity of what it takes to make someone happy. Whether it’s a person or a pet, all we really want is a little bit of undivided attention from the person who is closest to our heart. Now, I could end this post here, because that says it all. But because this seems to be so difficult for so many people, I’ll go on…….

We live in an increasingly complex and demanding world which seems overwhelming at times just dealing with our jobs, finances, health care and activities of daily living. Initiating and maintaining relationships requires more energy on top of all that other stuff. It becomes a matter of providing for the “necessities” vs. the” luxuries”, and sometimes there doesn’t seem to be enough to go around for everything and everyone. So we end up feeling deprived and angry because we realize that there is no one to blame but ourselves for feeling that way. So what do we do with that anger? Typically, either we take it out on someone else (usually someone close to us) or hold it in to make more negative, self-destructive emotions. Emotions are a lot like a decent wine:  if  handled respectfully, can be enjoyed by you and someone special, but if handled poorly or left in improper storage, will turn to vinegar. Now yes, wine vinegar does have its uses, but it’s nothing to savor in and of itself.

Our brains naturally pay more attention to and retain what is negative than positive, because evolutionarily, paying attention to negative stuff had survival value. So being the enlightened mammals that we are, those painful memories and experiences from the past are easily retrieved from long term storage to “defend” us from further harm. Because the part of the brain where our emotions come from is the limbic system, the electrochemical transmission to our cortex, where our thoughts originate, is very fast. In other words, because we were conditioned in the past to certain “harmful” stimuli, we respond faster to those stimuli now. So how do we extricate ourselves from this psychological quagmire?

1. Remind yourself that you’re only human, and as such, you have human “wiring”.
2. Understand that a Memory is not a static thing, but is dynamic, and changes with our perceptions of life.
3. Make a commitment to become more positive about yourself, life, and others close to you.

Step 1 is self-explanatory. Step 2 is crucial: we like to think we remember events and experiences from the past accurately, but scientific evidence shows otherwise. The details of memories change and are modulated over time, based on our thoughts. Our perceptions really do become our reality. So if those memories from the past are contributing to anger or other negative emotions, there’s a good chance they have become more negative because your outlook has been more negative. You then become part of a vicious cycle: anger and negativity transform your memories into greater negativity from the past, which contribute to offensive emotional “attacks” to others, or, remain locked within us to produce enough acetic venom to create health problems and pathology. Step 3 is life-changing: Start off with one or two positive comments to yourself each day, one of which should be gratitude. If you are reading this blog, be thankful for your eyesight, freedom to access the internet, ability to read, etc.

So, it comes back to simplicity. What is happiness and how do we make ourselves and those we love happy? It’s just some undivided, positive attention to the person closest to our hearts. Hold on to the present moment, and enjoy it for what it is. Let go of the emotional clutter you really don’t need. Don’t live in the past: the arrow of time is streaking forward and waits for no one.

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