The Inevitability of Grieving

As much as we don’t like to think about losses in our lives, sooner or later we all experience the process of grieving. I say “process” because it really is, rather than a single occurrence of emotions and thoughts. Grieving changes over time, shaping our perspectives like the ocean changes the shoreline. Its end result can either enhance or diminish our lives, depending on how we ourselves choose to use this process.

Grief obviously follows the death of a loved family member, friend or pet. We can also grieve over other kinds of losses: our health, body parts (through accidents or surgeries), lifestyles, jobs, income, recreational opportunities and socio-political changes. In other words, just about anything in our lives, sometimes even losing something which can be unpleasant or harmful to us can result in grieving. For example, when a person is subjected to stress, physical or emotional abuse, and the abuse finally ends, the person will feel as though a part of his or her life has been taken away. Likewise, many military personnel who have been in heavy combat and who develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder will grieve over not being in the high adrenalin environment of combat, which can interfere with their treatment of PTSD.

Accepting times for happiness and times for sadness in life is so important that it is an integral part of most spiritual teachings. The problem today is that this idea is not convenient to our self-centered lives. Many people choose not to heed what Scripture says because we like to avoid unpleasantness and sadness, as if this avoidance acts as some sort of protection against loss. That is really unfortunate because then there is no emotional immune system to help us recover from an episode of loss. Additionally, if we believe that we have the power to prevent personal losses, when we do experience a loss, we would feel like a failure, creating another dimension of depression.

It’s important to understand that Grieving is both a cognitive and an emotional process. You should strive to retain the memories of what you have lost, because these memories are what help you to evolve into a more accomplished person. The behaviors and thoughts which result from the emotions are what can cause obstacles to growth and health. That’s why it’s so important to allow yourself time to adapt to the inevitable changes that loss brings before making any major life modifications.

Since we will all experience losses in our lives, I think one of the best ways to prepare for them without living a “doom and gloom” life is to increase our resilience. Consider how the immune system works best:
a regular healthy diet
practice good hygiene
get enough sleep
avoid unnecessary health risks.

Now apply these four habits to emotional resilience:
maintain a healthy diet, avoiding excesses of alcohol and processed foods
practice good mental hygiene by improving your understanding of how your thoughts and emotions affect your behaviors
get enough rest by lowering your stress levels, making some time each day for some meditation, and getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep
avoid unnecessary obligations, contacts and habits which increase your risk of lassitude and predispose you to overconfidence.